Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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