He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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