I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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