Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
