What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
