This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
