get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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