God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
