Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
