eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
