you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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