can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
