I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
