Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
