the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
