Already got asked if we're dating
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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