his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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