this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
