sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
