Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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