My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize