weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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