Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize