I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
