glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
