I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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