Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
