Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it hurts more in the daytime
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
