Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
