I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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