Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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