i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
