were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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