Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
