She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
