My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
