im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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