Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
smell my finger.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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