Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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