how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
