you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
