You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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