Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
