Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
