just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
false alarm. still invincible.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
