drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
