Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
