We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So. Much. Porn.
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