You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
