Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
