So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
