so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
