No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
