Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
