I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
