So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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