i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
