she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
