I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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