ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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