that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
