all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
