wakey wakey hands off snakey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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