I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize