You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
