I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
