p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
