You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
