thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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