ugly people sure do ruin things
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize