is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
