I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
