We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
