you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
