If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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