my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
