there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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