I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
