I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
