Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize