Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
