yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your cock deserves a montage
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
