hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize