tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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