so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
