...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
