I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
