I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she peed on how many people?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
