I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
