I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
