Yo dont text me then not text me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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