This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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