I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
