Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
