Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The air was thick with penises
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
